Tuesday, March 21, 2017

5 LOVE STORIES with Lessons to learned.

I dont say my love story is greater than others.. but saje rasa nak blog about it. May it helps to reflects what i want in my last Love story which yet to be found and create. 3/5 people that i used to really fall for is happily married now. Alhamdulillah.. happy for them. Each person you fall for will give u lesson and why it will never work out with them. But of course at those moment of letting go, it will never be easy even uve been through it a lot of times. Why? sebab bercinta tu dengan hati unless orang bercinta pakai rational mmg lah tak sesakit like the one who put their whole heart to it. Ive been in both situation where di tinggalkan and yg tinggal kan the person that i was with. Buat sekali je okay lepas tu rasa karma hit me like so many times ahahhaa... i mean he must be really down i guess coz ya he was hurt.

1. Bercinta dengan senior satu Uni. Where jumpa jarang2 sebab ye lah dia senior kowt. mesti banyak lagi kije dari layan gf kan? yg ni tak lama pown but i can say that he was my first boyfriend. i mean before him mana ada nak couple2 nie. kite budak baik lah. ahahahaa.. itu pown tak bercinta dlm kampus pown. kalau nak date he will take me out of campus macam pergi makan kat luar ke mana ke. sebab tak nak org tau gitew... kata nya kalau nanti org nampak people will start telling me bad things about him ... kowt dia nie playboy ke apa ke. huahhaa.. but memang pown ada je all those rumours but hey why dengar cakap org when his the one who try to win u. for me people cakap abt org may be sebab jeles or some may be they really care and dont want me to get hurt. well what is there if u dont take the risk right to be with the one. I always believe that setiap org ada their past and who are we to judge them kan? May be he really fall for me. anyways, we didnt work out pown. break dari ok jadi tak ok since i become an insane girl who cant accept the fact we over. ahhahaa.. but through time.. dah matured sikit then we actually could b friends again. Despite whatever people say, i know he do fall for me just org cakap jodoh tu tak kuat. plus pfft cinta monyet uni. ahhahaaaa... now when i look at it again, gosh how silly i am. ahahhaaa.... but what i learned from him masa break tu mmg kejam ah dia ignore kaw kaw punya okay! macam tak d hati langsung... but itu lah my first lesson.

in order to let go that other person you have to be cruel in order to be kind. you have to cut everything and not let anything lingering around you. coz any little things or kind move will give the other person kind of hope that you still care. so as hard as it is, kesian ke apa ke, cut it off. coz with that, it will make them realize that things never work out. its not easy but lama2 they surely move on to another person. 

2. i surely apply that to my next partner. kitaorg same age, study satu faculty but different course. his my senior by one sem je. ahahhaa.. dengan dia nie i dont know how we actually know each other but we end up dating. hahahahaa....some kind social media kowt. then turn out we satu uni. Out of all his the one that i would always remember his effort in winning my heart and of course his effort jual dadih block to block for extra income. and with that everytime akak dadih sampai kat bilik je i got free dadih ahahhaa.... sometimes amik all perisa. sebab mmg sedap okay!! he was closed to my family too. i can say sampai skarang. ehehhee.. coz we are now cool. he was my study buddy. giler budak nerd bercinta macam nie lah kowt. legit healthy rship lah... sebab ye lah dah study sama, since some subject pown sama we tend to compare who will score better.  ahahhaa.. nampak tak nerd sgt ahahahaa.. but we dont look like nerd okay. but through time being with him, despite i enjoy his company, i kind off missing the sparks. meaning bila dia msg i dont have that excitement anymore. so before the next sem begins which im in my final sem and dia plak move to degree in shah alam, i asked to break up. right before uni start. why? sbb pikir jugaklah at least dia boleh start fresh with someone there in his uni. that will make it easier even he did lah txt and all. i just cruelly ignore on purpose. lesson no 1 remember? sorry... but hey he did move on okay. even get a gf before i could even be with someone else. ahahhahaa... laju lagi dari i ols. ahhahaaa.. im glad. 

so whats the lesson here? well, for me if you dont have the sparks or feelings anymore, why keep the rship where the other peson can be with someone who deserve his love more that u did where she/he can give the same amout of love back to him. just becoz orang tu syg and always be there when u need him or her, u simpan so bila u lonely tak d yg nak layan u have him to spare is it? tak baik lah. so let them go instead and if god permits, they will be your friend. and when i continue my dgree we be good friends until now. where i even know his wife and all. like a good friend. thank you for all those advice as u know me well. lesson to the guys plak be yourself when u with your partner. as for me i like blunt but still jaga hati. macam if i look so sloppy, just say it but not in kurang ajar kind of wayslah. but paham jugak lah if im always beautiful in your eyes. owh then cannot be help lah. ahahahaaa...

3. same age, same high school and just keep in touch after. i would say this guy is my soul mate. but just not meant to be together. basically kitaorg dont have anything pown. just like friends. coz he was with someone so my prinsip is not to kacau rship orang if u dont want that to happen to you. so we keep it as friends. since we know each other so long as friends of course lah we know each other so well. up unitl we had some miscommunication and that short period of time instead he be with me he be with someone new. owh well, bukan jodoh. althought we are well aware of our feelings towards each other but i guess the feelings to not break or even want anything to happen between the friendship makes both of us scared to even confess and keep saying that we just friends. the moment we realize how much we actually mean for each other it is just a little too late. so thats how they said bukan jodoh. of coz lah me being me i stop all the connections with him but the feelings off loosing my best friend that hurt me the most. macam lost. ye lah nak contact laki org kowt. so no no. plus this time i dont even know his wife. so no lah. syaitan kan banyak, kalau kawan pown mcm2 boleh di create as fitnah. but tak d lah hate or anything. if jumpa pown we would say hi as time past and we are matured enough. i was affected the most but im okay now. itukan aturan Allah. 

lesson here is to confess your feelings even you are best friend. its better to be rejected and know where u stand than not knowing and realize its too late to even do anything. if let say u confess and u guys are falling apart meaning a friend that u think knows u, he sure as hell doesnt know u well. heehee... imagine if u actually confess the moment u have feeling for each other, u could have been the best partner or may be not. but hey thats the risk. if he knows u well, he will politely rejected u.like my next guy who i had a crushed on.

4. i never knew i would actually fall for him or even like him this much. he was mr.tourist i suppose when he came to sydney. we dont really spend much time pown sama but after he went back we keep in touch and turn to be i like chatting with him. he is the kind of guy that one movie boleh chat berkali2 and without even getting bored. we just click. hehheee.. i would say he is my comfort zone. he is the kind of guy that i would turn to when im just feeling down. he just make me think rational again. its hard even to get him to reply me. but when he does i know he makes time just for me. we hardly contact pown but i know his there. so cite dia since tak nak make the same mistake, the moment i kind of like him, i just tell him. hahahaaa.. he doesnt say no but he also doesnt say yes. so i guess he himself is not certain. haahhaaa... that short meeting was all i need to kind of like him. but somehow i know its not going to work out as he always give me excuse everytime im back in malaysia. i mean since i like him i would always say its okay. understand. 

so the lesson would be if a guy wont make time for you, that action itself shows u more than enough if he likes u or not. actions do speaks louder than words. so he end up just my comfort chatting friend. god knows if his married.. may be he does that that makes 4/5 guys married. ehheheee.. i guess i dont really love him but the connections we had makes me feel so comfortable in being myself. i dont hide thing or even how i felt towards him or even other. i could tell him nearly everything without having him judging me. so thats why i thought he would be the best person for me to be with. but again noooo...

5. which leads me to my next guy who most people would call me crazy to even be with him. someone who i never met and never even see his face. sounds like catfish kan? pretty sure korunk akan rasa macam tu. but yg jumpa depan2 pown belum tentu will spend as much time as this person would. orang selalu tanya kenapa stay with him for quiet sometimes? i will always says because he doesnt give me bad vibes. malah he lead me to be a better person, a better muslimah. he share randoms things that makes me realize about myself. how i am now and how i used to be. he was there when no one is around me. not even friends, he calls me regularly. his just there with me at all time i needed someone. may be thats my mistakes. i hang on to him so much that i forgot to be on my own. his crime i would say just tak nak show himself. thats all. but sampai bila kan? as much as the feelings grow, the doubt pown grow. biasalah manusia tak pernah cukup dgn apa yg di beri. i seldom imagine how i was blind and this would be the case lah kowt. knowing someone by not even see his face. may be he is my task that how my friends kata i will go for looks. but this guy, i never even looked or even see him, i still fall for him. regardless what people say about him, thats is their opinion. coz when everyone busy with their life(i totally understand) his there with me even i keep pushing him away. senang cite i just have faith in what Allah sent to me. but still, sampai bila? his like my imaginary bf. hahahaa... where no one can see him except me but i see him with my heart only. 

its true when they say love is blind. hahahaa... u just follow what ur heart wants even it is something crazy. no one knows who they are or how they are except you.poeple can listen to your story of your partner but deep down they can only judge from the surface of things, what is visible to their eyes. so my final lesson for now would be, even u follow ur heart, even sometimes u just have faith in it u also have to be rational. have to balanced with the world. orang cakap if its meant to be then it will be. 

ive seen so many of my friends yang jumpa their partner kejap sangat. hehehe.. within a year or two kenal and just get hitched. thats the wonders of the world. memang betul lah Jodoh itu Rahsia Allah and i do believe in that. sometimes you may think that they will be the right fit or the best for you. but have u ever think that they just the person u want not really the person you need.

so thats the end of my love story with the lesson i learned along the way. May one day i too find my mr.right. amiiinn.... tQ for reading this short story of my love lesson.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017


Okay, lama sangat dah blog ni bersawang. tak d lah pandai sangat nak menulis, ayat best2.. more of to share my story and experience of my own life and also the perspective of certain things. no obligation to read pown. but since you dah buka pown... take some time to create more awareness kowt lah ada akak adik or even our mom who can happen to have this, i mean not being bias but since im a girl so i write on a girls perspective lah ek.

Back in 2013 if tak silap, i was said to kena SLIP DISC. mula tu tak tahu pown apa mende tu kan? slalu org akan tanya cam mana boleh kena? The weird thing is i pown tak tahu cam mana i boleh kena. basically all i remember, masa tu baru je balik dr airport sending my mom ke my lil bro balik MALAYSIA. so i was all alone lah kiranya masa tu. elok sampai je umah, keluar kereta ttbe rasa macam sakit pinggang. Ingat a normal sakit pinggang sebab penat ke or nak period ke (my sis gtau kalau tak ckup air time dtg bulan boleh sakit pinggang jugak) so pikir2 okay lah lets just rest couple of days may b akan ok. so masuk hari ke 3 rasa it is getting worst sampai nak bangun pown susah. Jangan kira lah brape kali nanges sebab sorang2 and tak leh nak bangun sebab nak pusing pown mcm ada cucuk kat ur nerve tu so u cant really turn or anything. 

Pastu pikir ni tak boleh jadi nie kena jugak pergi doc, cannot wait anymore. Orang mesti ckp patut masa rasa dah pergi doc. hurm... why i tak gi sbb tak pernah tau pown kewujudan slip disc nie. so benda dah jadi kan... so slowly i drive myself to pegi jumpa doc. i can still imagine masa nak jalan dari parking ke medical centre tu... i swear people, i walk like a nenek kebayan terkedek2 sebab i cant freaking walk normal. rasa kalau nak tegak badan pown tulang tu mcm akan snap and patah. so membongkok and walk so slow. yes no jokes. tgh jalan pown i nanges tapi tQ to my sunnies ahahhaaa.. and pretend main phone lah tgh text ke apa sebab kena tunduk je.. i understand now how nenek2 atok2 yg jalan bongkok slow tu. u have no idea what they feel. so jangan lah nak marah ek kalau org macam ni jalan depan korunk.

so sampai2 doc, masuk bilik doc, dah gtau and dah d check. doc tanya how did u come here? dgn rilex ckp i drive myself. skali kena marah. sbb doc ckp dangerous. sebab if anything happen i cant easily auto react. so he asked me to call someone else to pick me up and stay with the person. and on d dot kena g buat MRI scan to check my back bone petang tu jugak. Alhamdulillah, Aunty Nani and Azyura was around to help me. so i stayed at their house since my family in Malaysia. 

so start from that day

1. no more HIGH HEELS luckily i can still wear BOOTS but no HEELS

2. no more carry HEAVY BAGS not even groceries bag (POTATOES 5 kg, BERAS ke, minyak masak besar2) senang cite anything heavy cannot carry sbb kan sakit balik. macam mengada kan?
3. no more HARD WORK. jgn buat kije yg renyah kan badan. (dulu kije part time laju je angkat this and that movement tu mcm zap sana zap sini) ahhahahaa... now no more working long hours. actually stop working that

4. no more LONG HOURS DRIVING. sebab kalau duduk lama i tend to get restless satu badan. (mesti wonder mcm mana fly msia sydney 8 jam? ... haaa pakai backsupport and also tampal alaaa koyok and keep deep heat cream in my bag so boleh kerap sapu and rajin jalan dalam flight. kalau nak road trip pown kena byk berhenti to stretch ur body.

5. nak jalan2 banyak pown mcm susah (i can do it if i wear my BACK support) so baru ok. itu pown balik kena keep sapu deep heat. 

the best way to make it okay would  be

1. SWIM back stroke .. sbb dgn swim je dlm air dia boleh tampung our body weight so we can stretch our muscle.

2. YOGA but not all pose yg boleh. ada some pose for slip disc which can and do help. 

3. MOVE.never baring je atas katil... sebab that would make it worst actually. i mean time sakit u rest but keep moving around the house and do house chores mcm biasa. but avoid anything yg kena tunduk2. lepas buat something REST. jgn nak push diri sgt. nnt dah sakit lagi susah. 

4. NO SIT UP. utk yg nak excercise or like me konon nak buat sit up tu  jgn nak berangan sgt lah ek... mau crack ur back. i mean boleh lah kowt buat sikit2 tapi alas kan something soft lah kowt. i do that 

5. GYM MAY BE. yang nak masuk gym plak... hurm they said dont sebab bukan boleh nak angkat benda berat or anything kan.. but ada je benda lain yg we can do lagi2 get coach ke advice before you do anything. 

6. HARD BED. sleep kat permukaan keras. it helps mula2 tak selesa but lama2 okay je. if katil tu lembut2 lupakanlah. tdo lantai will make u feel a lot better. 

The struggles and the pain is real. like sakit dia tu belah dalam. Sometimes when ur body renyah or penat u just cant do anything to heal it quickly. Malam2 kadang2 nak tdo bila blakang tu sakit.. ya Allah, u cant even sleep. sapu minyak urut2 pown cannot jalan. my usuals kalau jadi mmg tido bila dah penat nanges or ttdo dgn sendiri. tapi mmg sapu deep heat, buat yoga2 pose utk stretch the muscle and pusing sana pusing sini... people may be akan rasa mengada but until u feel our pain pls lah help us and understand us. bukan nak mengada2 or anything. to guys be more aware and jgn lah nak cakap pompuan nie mengada lah what not.. Laki pown boleh kena slip disc nie. 

SLIP DISC or known as LOWER BACK PAIN usually bila disc between L4 and L5 tu terkeluar.

nampak tak dia cucuk nerve tu... haaa kadang kaki rasa kebas or kat pinggang tu rasa mcm something tak click tulang mcm lari. mcm tu lah rasa... tapi boleh je okay.. just avoid benda2 yg kat atas tu. im not an expert but so far tu lah experience i had. to ladies mmg org akan pikir mcm mana kalau pregnant and all? well itulah kuasa ALLAH bagi kepada seorang ibu. i know someone who had this and now dah anak 2 pown. it is wonders. but at times mmg akan ada time bila anak dah makin besar she cant carry her kids as much but just to have kids is more than enough thats where husband plays important role. so this is me sharing my own experience. If u have any other ways to make it better or even tips to share please comment. would be much appreciated.