Tuesday, March 21, 2017

5 LOVE STORIES with Lessons to learned.

I dont say my love story is greater than others.. but saje rasa nak blog about it. May it helps to reflects what i want in my last Love story which yet to be found and create. 3/5 people that i used to really fall for is happily married now. Alhamdulillah.. happy for them. Each person you fall for will give u lesson and why it will never work out with them. But of course at those moment of letting go, it will never be easy even uve been through it a lot of times. Why? sebab bercinta tu dengan hati unless orang bercinta pakai rational mmg lah tak sesakit like the one who put their whole heart to it. Ive been in both situation where di tinggalkan and yg tinggal kan the person that i was with. Buat sekali je okay lepas tu rasa karma hit me like so many times ahahhaa... i mean he must be really down i guess coz ya he was hurt.

1. Bercinta dengan senior satu Uni. Where jumpa jarang2 sebab ye lah dia senior kowt. mesti banyak lagi kije dari layan gf kan? yg ni tak lama pown but i can say that he was my first boyfriend. i mean before him mana ada nak couple2 nie. kite budak baik lah. ahahahaa.. itu pown tak bercinta dlm kampus pown. kalau nak date he will take me out of campus macam pergi makan kat luar ke mana ke. sebab tak nak org tau gitew... kata nya kalau nanti org nampak people will start telling me bad things about him ... kowt dia nie playboy ke apa ke. huahhaa.. but memang pown ada je all those rumours but hey why dengar cakap org when his the one who try to win u. for me people cakap abt org may be sebab jeles or some may be they really care and dont want me to get hurt. well what is there if u dont take the risk right to be with the one. I always believe that setiap org ada their past and who are we to judge them kan? May be he really fall for me. anyways, we didnt work out pown. break dari ok jadi tak ok since i become an insane girl who cant accept the fact we over. ahhahaa.. but through time.. dah matured sikit then we actually could b friends again. Despite whatever people say, i know he do fall for me just org cakap jodoh tu tak kuat. plus pfft cinta monyet uni. ahhahaaaa... now when i look at it again, gosh how silly i am. ahahhaaa.... but what i learned from him masa break tu mmg kejam ah dia ignore kaw kaw punya okay! macam tak d hati langsung... but itu lah my first lesson.

in order to let go that other person you have to be cruel in order to be kind. you have to cut everything and not let anything lingering around you. coz any little things or kind move will give the other person kind of hope that you still care. so as hard as it is, kesian ke apa ke, cut it off. coz with that, it will make them realize that things never work out. its not easy but lama2 they surely move on to another person. 

2. i surely apply that to my next partner. kitaorg same age, study satu faculty but different course. his my senior by one sem je. ahahhaa.. dengan dia nie i dont know how we actually know each other but we end up dating. hahahahaa....some kind social media kowt. then turn out we satu uni. Out of all his the one that i would always remember his effort in winning my heart and of course his effort jual dadih block to block for extra income. and with that everytime akak dadih sampai kat bilik je i got free dadih ahahhaa.... sometimes amik all perisa. sebab mmg sedap okay!! he was closed to my family too. i can say sampai skarang. ehehhee.. coz we are now cool. he was my study buddy. giler budak nerd bercinta macam nie lah kowt. legit healthy rship lah... sebab ye lah dah study sama, since some subject pown sama we tend to compare who will score better.  ahahhaa.. nampak tak nerd sgt ahahahaa.. but we dont look like nerd okay. but through time being with him, despite i enjoy his company, i kind off missing the sparks. meaning bila dia msg i dont have that excitement anymore. so before the next sem begins which im in my final sem and dia plak move to degree in shah alam, i asked to break up. right before uni start. why? sbb pikir jugaklah at least dia boleh start fresh with someone there in his uni. that will make it easier even he did lah txt and all. i just cruelly ignore on purpose. lesson no 1 remember? sorry... but hey he did move on okay. even get a gf before i could even be with someone else. ahahhahaa... laju lagi dari i ols. ahhahaaa.. im glad. 

so whats the lesson here? well, for me if you dont have the sparks or feelings anymore, why keep the rship where the other peson can be with someone who deserve his love more that u did where she/he can give the same amout of love back to him. just becoz orang tu syg and always be there when u need him or her, u simpan so bila u lonely tak d yg nak layan u have him to spare is it? tak baik lah. so let them go instead and if god permits, they will be your friend. and when i continue my dgree we be good friends until now. where i even know his wife and all. like a good friend. thank you for all those advice as u know me well. lesson to the guys plak be yourself when u with your partner. as for me i like blunt but still jaga hati. macam if i look so sloppy, just say it but not in kurang ajar kind of wayslah. but paham jugak lah if im always beautiful in your eyes. owh then cannot be help lah. ahahahaaa...

3. same age, same high school and just keep in touch after. i would say this guy is my soul mate. but just not meant to be together. basically kitaorg dont have anything pown. just like friends. coz he was with someone so my prinsip is not to kacau rship orang if u dont want that to happen to you. so we keep it as friends. since we know each other so long as friends of course lah we know each other so well. up unitl we had some miscommunication and that short period of time instead he be with me he be with someone new. owh well, bukan jodoh. althought we are well aware of our feelings towards each other but i guess the feelings to not break or even want anything to happen between the friendship makes both of us scared to even confess and keep saying that we just friends. the moment we realize how much we actually mean for each other it is just a little too late. so thats how they said bukan jodoh. of coz lah me being me i stop all the connections with him but the feelings off loosing my best friend that hurt me the most. macam lost. ye lah nak contact laki org kowt. so no no. plus this time i dont even know his wife. so no lah. syaitan kan banyak, kalau kawan pown mcm2 boleh di create as fitnah. but tak d lah hate or anything. if jumpa pown we would say hi as time past and we are matured enough. i was affected the most but im okay now. itukan aturan Allah. 

lesson here is to confess your feelings even you are best friend. its better to be rejected and know where u stand than not knowing and realize its too late to even do anything. if let say u confess and u guys are falling apart meaning a friend that u think knows u, he sure as hell doesnt know u well. heehee... imagine if u actually confess the moment u have feeling for each other, u could have been the best partner or may be not. but hey thats the risk. if he knows u well, he will politely rejected u.like my next guy who i had a crushed on.

4. i never knew i would actually fall for him or even like him this much. he was mr.tourist i suppose when he came to sydney. we dont really spend much time pown sama but after he went back we keep in touch and turn to be i like chatting with him. he is the kind of guy that one movie boleh chat berkali2 and without even getting bored. we just click. hehheee.. i would say he is my comfort zone. he is the kind of guy that i would turn to when im just feeling down. he just make me think rational again. its hard even to get him to reply me. but when he does i know he makes time just for me. we hardly contact pown but i know his there. so cite dia since tak nak make the same mistake, the moment i kind of like him, i just tell him. hahahaaa.. he doesnt say no but he also doesnt say yes. so i guess he himself is not certain. haahhaaa... that short meeting was all i need to kind of like him. but somehow i know its not going to work out as he always give me excuse everytime im back in malaysia. i mean since i like him i would always say its okay. understand. 

so the lesson would be if a guy wont make time for you, that action itself shows u more than enough if he likes u or not. actions do speaks louder than words. so he end up just my comfort chatting friend. god knows if his married.. may be he does that that makes 4/5 guys married. ehheheee.. i guess i dont really love him but the connections we had makes me feel so comfortable in being myself. i dont hide thing or even how i felt towards him or even other. i could tell him nearly everything without having him judging me. so thats why i thought he would be the best person for me to be with. but again noooo...

5. which leads me to my next guy who most people would call me crazy to even be with him. someone who i never met and never even see his face. sounds like catfish kan? pretty sure korunk akan rasa macam tu. but yg jumpa depan2 pown belum tentu will spend as much time as this person would. orang selalu tanya kenapa stay with him for quiet sometimes? i will always says because he doesnt give me bad vibes. malah he lead me to be a better person, a better muslimah. he share randoms things that makes me realize about myself. how i am now and how i used to be. he was there when no one is around me. not even friends, he calls me regularly. his just there with me at all time i needed someone. may be thats my mistakes. i hang on to him so much that i forgot to be on my own. his crime i would say just tak nak show himself. thats all. but sampai bila kan? as much as the feelings grow, the doubt pown grow. biasalah manusia tak pernah cukup dgn apa yg di beri. i seldom imagine how i was blind and this would be the case lah kowt. knowing someone by not even see his face. may be he is my task that how my friends kata i will go for looks. but this guy, i never even looked or even see him, i still fall for him. regardless what people say about him, thats is their opinion. coz when everyone busy with their life(i totally understand) his there with me even i keep pushing him away. senang cite i just have faith in what Allah sent to me. but still, sampai bila? his like my imaginary bf. hahahaa... where no one can see him except me but i see him with my heart only. 

its true when they say love is blind. hahahaa... u just follow what ur heart wants even it is something crazy. no one knows who they are or how they are except you.poeple can listen to your story of your partner but deep down they can only judge from the surface of things, what is visible to their eyes. so my final lesson for now would be, even u follow ur heart, even sometimes u just have faith in it u also have to be rational. have to balanced with the world. orang cakap if its meant to be then it will be. 

ive seen so many of my friends yang jumpa their partner kejap sangat. hehehe.. within a year or two kenal and just get hitched. thats the wonders of the world. memang betul lah Jodoh itu Rahsia Allah and i do believe in that. sometimes you may think that they will be the right fit or the best for you. but have u ever think that they just the person u want not really the person you need.

so thats the end of my love story with the lesson i learned along the way. May one day i too find my mr.right. amiiinn.... tQ for reading this short story of my love lesson.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017


Okay, lama sangat dah blog ni bersawang. tak d lah pandai sangat nak menulis, ayat best2.. more of to share my story and experience of my own life and also the perspective of certain things. no obligation to read pown. but since you dah buka pown... take some time to create more awareness kowt lah ada akak adik or even our mom who can happen to have this, i mean not being bias but since im a girl so i write on a girls perspective lah ek.

Back in 2013 if tak silap, i was said to kena SLIP DISC. mula tu tak tahu pown apa mende tu kan? slalu org akan tanya cam mana boleh kena? The weird thing is i pown tak tahu cam mana i boleh kena. basically all i remember, masa tu baru je balik dr airport sending my mom ke my lil bro balik MALAYSIA. so i was all alone lah kiranya masa tu. elok sampai je umah, keluar kereta ttbe rasa macam sakit pinggang. Ingat a normal sakit pinggang sebab penat ke or nak period ke (my sis gtau kalau tak ckup air time dtg bulan boleh sakit pinggang jugak) so pikir2 okay lah lets just rest couple of days may b akan ok. so masuk hari ke 3 rasa it is getting worst sampai nak bangun pown susah. Jangan kira lah brape kali nanges sebab sorang2 and tak leh nak bangun sebab nak pusing pown mcm ada cucuk kat ur nerve tu so u cant really turn or anything. 

Pastu pikir ni tak boleh jadi nie kena jugak pergi doc, cannot wait anymore. Orang mesti ckp patut masa rasa dah pergi doc. hurm... why i tak gi sbb tak pernah tau pown kewujudan slip disc nie. so benda dah jadi kan... so slowly i drive myself to pegi jumpa doc. i can still imagine masa nak jalan dari parking ke medical centre tu... i swear people, i walk like a nenek kebayan terkedek2 sebab i cant freaking walk normal. rasa kalau nak tegak badan pown tulang tu mcm akan snap and patah. so membongkok and walk so slow. yes no jokes. tgh jalan pown i nanges tapi tQ to my sunnies ahahhaaa.. and pretend main phone lah tgh text ke apa sebab kena tunduk je.. i understand now how nenek2 atok2 yg jalan bongkok slow tu. u have no idea what they feel. so jangan lah nak marah ek kalau org macam ni jalan depan korunk.

so sampai2 doc, masuk bilik doc, dah gtau and dah d check. doc tanya how did u come here? dgn rilex ckp i drive myself. skali kena marah. sbb doc ckp dangerous. sebab if anything happen i cant easily auto react. so he asked me to call someone else to pick me up and stay with the person. and on d dot kena g buat MRI scan to check my back bone petang tu jugak. Alhamdulillah, Aunty Nani and Azyura was around to help me. so i stayed at their house since my family in Malaysia. 

so start from that day

1. no more HIGH HEELS luckily i can still wear BOOTS but no HEELS

2. no more carry HEAVY BAGS not even groceries bag (POTATOES 5 kg, BERAS ke, minyak masak besar2) senang cite anything heavy cannot carry sbb kan sakit balik. macam mengada kan?
3. no more HARD WORK. jgn buat kije yg renyah kan badan. (dulu kije part time laju je angkat this and that movement tu mcm zap sana zap sini) ahhahahaa... now no more working long hours. actually stop working that

4. no more LONG HOURS DRIVING. sebab kalau duduk lama i tend to get restless satu badan. (mesti wonder mcm mana fly msia sydney 8 jam? ... haaa pakai backsupport and also tampal alaaa koyok and keep deep heat cream in my bag so boleh kerap sapu and rajin jalan dalam flight. kalau nak road trip pown kena byk berhenti to stretch ur body.

5. nak jalan2 banyak pown mcm susah (i can do it if i wear my BACK support) so baru ok. itu pown balik kena keep sapu deep heat. 

the best way to make it okay would  be

1. SWIM back stroke .. sbb dgn swim je dlm air dia boleh tampung our body weight so we can stretch our muscle.

2. YOGA but not all pose yg boleh. ada some pose for slip disc which can and do help. 

3. MOVE.never baring je atas katil... sebab that would make it worst actually. i mean time sakit u rest but keep moving around the house and do house chores mcm biasa. but avoid anything yg kena tunduk2. lepas buat something REST. jgn nak push diri sgt. nnt dah sakit lagi susah. 

4. NO SIT UP. utk yg nak excercise or like me konon nak buat sit up tu  jgn nak berangan sgt lah ek... mau crack ur back. i mean boleh lah kowt buat sikit2 tapi alas kan something soft lah kowt. i do that 

5. GYM MAY BE. yang nak masuk gym plak... hurm they said dont sebab bukan boleh nak angkat benda berat or anything kan.. but ada je benda lain yg we can do lagi2 get coach ke advice before you do anything. 

6. HARD BED. sleep kat permukaan keras. it helps mula2 tak selesa but lama2 okay je. if katil tu lembut2 lupakanlah. tdo lantai will make u feel a lot better. 

The struggles and the pain is real. like sakit dia tu belah dalam. Sometimes when ur body renyah or penat u just cant do anything to heal it quickly. Malam2 kadang2 nak tdo bila blakang tu sakit.. ya Allah, u cant even sleep. sapu minyak urut2 pown cannot jalan. my usuals kalau jadi mmg tido bila dah penat nanges or ttdo dgn sendiri. tapi mmg sapu deep heat, buat yoga2 pose utk stretch the muscle and pusing sana pusing sini... people may be akan rasa mengada but until u feel our pain pls lah help us and understand us. bukan nak mengada2 or anything. to guys be more aware and jgn lah nak cakap pompuan nie mengada lah what not.. Laki pown boleh kena slip disc nie. 

SLIP DISC or known as LOWER BACK PAIN usually bila disc between L4 and L5 tu terkeluar.

nampak tak dia cucuk nerve tu... haaa kadang kaki rasa kebas or kat pinggang tu rasa mcm something tak click tulang mcm lari. mcm tu lah rasa... tapi boleh je okay.. just avoid benda2 yg kat atas tu. im not an expert but so far tu lah experience i had. to ladies mmg org akan pikir mcm mana kalau pregnant and all? well itulah kuasa ALLAH bagi kepada seorang ibu. i know someone who had this and now dah anak 2 pown. it is wonders. but at times mmg akan ada time bila anak dah makin besar she cant carry her kids as much but just to have kids is more than enough thats where husband plays important role. so this is me sharing my own experience. If u have any other ways to make it better or even tips to share please comment. would be much appreciated.

Saturday, December 26, 2015


DAY 23
We had to make our move early in the morning due to working day. Takut train ramai orang. So around 7 ish mcm tu kitaorang dah keluar rumah and off to train station. Ikut jalan masa sampailah. Surprisingly not as crowded as I thought it would be. So we end up sampai dekat central train station so early. Dah sampai tanya kat information center mana our train would depart? Tak salah just to comfirm sebab cetral station nie besar giler as it is a combination for local and international departure. Sebab pagi sangat, why not get ourselves a breakfast. Hurm ke hulu and ke hilir jugak lah try to get the best breakfast. Somehow tak d plak Panini or sandwich with salmon and cheese. Yg ada vegie basil, tomatoes and cheese.

Before finally decided, memang exercise naik turun level. Ahhahaa… ye lah me nak wifi but apparently tak d plak wifi. Ceh. Sabra je lah. Kedekut org berlin dgn wifi compare previous places. Even the central station pown tak d wifi. So apa lagi sit and decide. At first nak aim beli coffee yg ada cute penguin cup, but org barista nie pegi pakai cup biasa plak. Haish… kalau tau order benda lain. Malas plak nak asked so minum je lah.

Lama jugak lah nak tunggu train dalam 11 ish am rasanya from platform 1. So after I get my breakie, aishah plak pegi beli sebab kena lah take turn to stay with the bags. Tak kuasa nak mengheret ke hulu dan ke hilir bag yg dekat 27kg nie. Sambil2 breakie we had so deep talk ahahaha basically about planning in life lah.. ahahhaa.. wei serious plak ttbe. Well at least it kills the time. Tau2 dah nak dekat time to be at the platform. Since its gonna take a while to actually reach vienna and we actually have to change station at prague (PRAHA) so better get something to munch in the train so. Adalah dalam 8 jam kowt atas train. Dari lapar baik beli something. Surprisingly as usual me, bila masuk supermarket mula tak tahu nak beli apa. Ehehhee.. end up guess what I bought? TOBLERONE je. May be sebab pikir budget limited. Kang sampai sure nak g makan lagi. Pagi dah breakfast so tak leh nak lavish. Kowt dalam train nak beli hot drink ke. Haaa duit lagi. Korunk ingat nampak je best kan travel. Kena pikir jugak nak survive. Ehehehe…

So bila train sampai, imagine kitaorg kepelikan sebab our cabin actually first class cabin. Giler. Ah… tanya aishah if she purchase the first class tickets and she said no.. hurm pelik pelik. Well I guess we get lucky! So masa nak naik nie ada lah mamat nie nak tolong angkat bag naik train. Ingatkan ikhlas lah nak menolong since mana lah tau a free service for first class passenger. Rupanya kena jugak bagi upah. Dia tak kesah brape pown. So adalah dlm 3 euro syiling, tu je lah kitaorg kasi. So kalau sape tak d duit kecik next time tak yah lah kasi the person angkat,

The sit was comfortable! Ada tempat plug and also ada usb jugak. Just nice lah. Boleh charge laptop and also charge phone. Eehehe.. weee.. me end up watching drama melayu. Lekat plak layan cite KAU AKU KITA. We best, ske character Janna Nick. Minah sempoi. Haish… itu pown ada jugak yang terpikat. Handsome plak tu. Restist. Haish. Dalam real life. Mana lah nak ada retist yg ske minah miskin kasar kan? Retist cari yg sama cantik sama padan. Tak pramugari mesti model. Tak pown stocked model. Itulah dinamakan drama. Ehhehe.. but it give me a different view for a boyish guy like Im Aus (played by Syarul Ridzwan)

Along the way makin ramai passenger yg turun. And ada kat satu area nie cant help myself to focus sebab nampak view masyaallah cantik sangat. Seriously. Ada tempat secantik senyaman nie. Macam tak caya je. Selalu kan tengok dalam gambar or postcards ke.

Cant help it lah mcm teringin hot drinks. Ada plak orang yg datang amik order. Biasalah first class treatment lah katakan. Air dia normal price je. Dalam 2 euro lebih percup for a hotchocs. Ehehehe.. so dia datang hantar kat seat. Huhahaa… pergh what an experience. Tak payah bangun2 g cabin restaurant.

Even Prague (praha) was originally one of our stop tapi cancel. Tak sangka dapat jugak lah check in and jejak kaki kat sini even dekat dia nye station je. Not bad lah besar jugak. Kitaorg stop pown agak lama lah jugak. Dekat sejam. Sebab our next train tak sampai lagi kowt. Nasib sampai awal. Nak pahamkan dia nye platform pown susah. Eehhee.. pe lagi find the information counter lah. The easiest. They usually tau cakap English. So sempat lah beronline pakai wifi yg ada,

Bila keluar je nk kena pegi station mana, cepat2 pegi sebab ramai jugaklah orang. Yang nie tak tahu lah if we still get the first class cabin or not but im guessing should be as we bought it under one transaction. Kira kena transit kejap je. Ehhehee.. Alhamdulillah yup we did  get to be on the firstclass cabin lagi. Eheheee… yeay. Tapi kali nie penuh giler. So kenalah duduk separate kejap. Usually kejap  je penuh nie. Sebab orang akan byk turun in d next next station of so. So tak kesah je pown if asing sebab memang masing2 akan buat hal masing2. Me kalau ada mood nak berblog, baru blog. Now mood macam berdrama. Ehehhee… so memang lekat layan drama. I don’t follow the drama while it is still hot but follow bila semua episode dah abes. Sebab nye senang bru dapat feel watak and watch one shot the whole episode. Mcm mana tgk online ke? Nope usually either me stream awal2 and watch later or try lah download ke. Ehehhee… hey at least im up to date kan? Jarang layan drama melayu neyh. Entah macam mana lately boleh terjebak. Bukan apa, drama melayu nie buat sakit hati je sebab in real life laki2 nye character tu memang tak lah nak exist in the real world. Ehhehee.. lagi2 kalau yg jenis ada rupa and goood job like lawyer or doctor. Nak ke pandang miss nobody yg selekeh and all. Never. Itu pown sebab pelakon even nobody kecomelan and kecantikan terserlah. Ahahahaa.. so still berpijaklah di bumi yg nyata kayh to all the drama melayu lovers.

Akhirnya after 8 hours train ride. Akhirnya we finally arrive in Vienna. Haaa kat sini we stayed with Aishah friend and his family. Sampai2 je mencarilah mana nak jumpa mamat nie as it been years they haven’t met. Rupanya miss communication of the station. Hahahaa.. rupanya vienna nie banyak train stations. So kalau korunk datang sini make sure check betul2 train station mana ek. Ehehhee..

His name is Martin. Since they have so many things to catch up and me pown mana nak tau pape. Masuk keta and just enjoy the view while they were talking ahahhahaa.. Martin bawa kitaorg jalan2 the city tengok the night view of it. Was so nice sebab byk building lama yg structure pown very ancient style sikit. Ukiran2 tu… and very big building!

Pastu vienna nie terbahagi diantara the big river katanya. Once we cross the river, building plak very the modern. Ehehhee.. pelik tapi interesting tau! Ehehhee.. kira the attraction mainly at the previuos city area with all the monument and stuff.

Sampai2 his house. His parents dah tdo. Ye lah we arrive dalam weekdays esok orang kije. Esok pown our planning to just laid back tak d lah keluar awal sangat. May b tak sempat nak jumpa his parents. Balik dr outing lah kowt bru jumpa. Ehehe… he asked if we want to eat. May b not lah lapar memang lama tapi malas nak masak. So we makan our pack food instant dr Malaysia je senang. Tu pown gagah nak abes kan. Ehehehe.. penat duduk atas train actually ahahhaa…. Lepas makan terus naik and refresh. We actually stay kat his room and he stayed dekat basement room rumah dia. Bilik pown kemas sangat. Actually his house cantik. Simple yet cosy and homie. The bathroom pown very nice. Very mat salleh house. Boleh ah amik idea nie sikit2 ahahah if ever beli rumah someday or built my own kind of house. Ehehee or renovate. Nampak tak sempat berangan. Ahahhaa.. yg penting ada unsur modern house sikit with lantai kayu ish. ehhehee…

So that’s all for tonight. Safely arrive in Vienna with 8 hours train ride eyh first class train ride. Alhamdulillah Allah bagi experience. (^^,)