HELP YOURSELF

 OMG... lama nya terkubur blog ni.. lately nie mcm banyak sangat benda yg happen.. with so many platform yg boleh di curhat and some ada je ramai yang response maka blog pun terkurbur and bersawang.. when was the last time i ols update ek? nways.. lets move on to whats happening with my life or things that bothering me as much. 

2025.. HELLO im still SINGLE.. tak leh nak cakap unfortunate sebab with what happening with people around me.. somehow ladies be THANKFUL you are single. I know so many other good guys outside.. SAPE SINGLE BOLEH HELLO HELLO I OLS.. ahahahhahaa.. Tibahhhh.. Find me already my JODOH! ahahhahahaaa.... but lets hope we single ladies dont end up with one yg what Im about to vent out. 

kewujudans spesis lelaki lelaki nie wujud je.. zaman dolu2 cuma nya kurang awareness or people may call it differently. safety zaman dulu and zaman sekarang lain.. kegilaan org2 zaman dulu n sekarang lain..so pls be careful everyone out there... 

kalau korang perasan lah.. awareness NARCISSISTIC people makin banyak.. PEREMPUAN or WIFEY yang may be di mistreated pun banyak hence why byk yg bersuara skarang.. no longer diam and bodoh and telan je walaupun dizalimi..KES KES buli tak terkecuali... kadang even myself macam "how ek.. that age boleh berani to do sampat tahap tu dekat kawan2"... mental health of a person pun banyak je nowaday yang make it ANXIETY or DEPRESSION among people nowadays tu NORMAL ye guysss... stress of work.. stress in relationship.. stress with family... tu semua makin menjadi news NORMS untuk kita zaman skarang.. 

as for me...anything that I cannot brain or tolerate i will avoid and cut off... mestilah.. I HAVE MY OWN MENTAL HEALTH and HEALTH i need to take care.. aka pape pun LOVE YOUSELF first before you love others.. may be they will say.. your not in their shoes.. betul.. and i wish i tak nak pun be in ur shoes.. being bullied being gaslight being "diperbodohkan" dengan rela lah.. but anything that make me worst in anyway no way im going to stick around. coz at this point.. my prinsip is to HELP others as much as I can.. until i no longer see that I can help the person or the person cannot be HELP unless dia SAVE diri dia sendiri then.. im OFF... i dont leave you but i no longer tolerate or entertain your DRAMA.

kalau boleh tulis buku or tulis drama sis dah mungkin kayo.. tapi kitanya nak berkarya dengan bahasa yg betul tu macam lamberrrtttt lagi lah ek.. how i talk is how i write.. mcm skarang.. ahahhaa cara korang baca nie lah cara i ols akan bebel to u.

this year it self i cut off few people in my life.. yg truly deeply sadden me sbb they truly matters to me. but i can no longer help them... sebab as much i back them up and be there when they need an ear.. aku yang hangin satu badan mcm kena sampuk SETAN! ahahhaha.. kesian setan tak pasal dipersalahkan.. ahahhaa... dah kita nya hangin dgr how they d treated end up next day baru di pujuk effort sikit yg 0.0000000000001% lah terus okay n act like nothing happen. ahahaha... dengan harapan they ada "NIAT" nak berubah to be better. BETUL!!!!! Niat and action that they treat you worst after sangat lah tak telly ye...

And the fact that you are aware of what the person did to u, ruin your life... used u... but u still allow it.. how can you be so ignorance of things? for me lah.... its like you menzalimi diri sendiri. Allah bagi akal untuk berfikir.. if benda harm you n ur health, why you ok kan? Hidup nie banyak lagi.. kehilangan dia bukan lah segalanya... mak bapak yg still hidup, adik beradik yg ko dah hidup berpuluh tahun, kengkawan yg ada through ur up n down relationship before before nie,,,tak apa ke untuk ko hilang demi seseorang yg baru kenal let say 2-3 years tops... 

I know when u cant control what u feel. some things are beyond your control. you emotion and your feelings... memang sakit.. but u have to look inside deeply and think if u love urself enough to allow this to happen to you. to allow people treat u that way with disgrace and disrespectful. especially to all d ladies.. kita nie BERHARGA tau takk.. sebab tu lah bila nak kawin dengan kita ada HANTARAN, ada MAHARNYA... ada HARGA! kenapa kita ada such thing as "PRINCESS TREATMENT' treat like a "QUEEN' bukan treat like rakyat jelata... the only maid we are call is BRIDES-"MAID" tu je.. lain semua higher ranking level.. thats how we SHOULD be treated.. sbb tu orang kata find a provider to us ladies.. sebab our partner should be the PROVIDER. not the other way around. yes most ladies nie hati lembut nak permudahkan urusan.. HELPING and PROVIDING is two different things okay!!

argue with me all you want.. my blog i wrote what i feel. agak malas baca sila swipe or ignore.. ahahaa.. like i said tak semua org JAHAT di luar sana.. they probably need the help je.. but again YOU cannot CHANGE a person who dont want to CHANGE.. perubahan tu datang dr hati.. u can support but not CHANGE the person... but by supporting make sure tak effect your own life or your bank account, sampai ko plak yg mental.. yg di abuse.. itu dah boleh angkat kaki blah sbb tu maksudnya you d one who need the HELP not the person you trying to HELP.. get it?

mcm curhat kan.. memang.. 

i constantly worry abt the person i cut off.. but for now i need to HELP and LOVE my PEACE. I can no longer HELP them but I can DOA for them under ALLAH protection and may one day they are FREE from those people who used them like hell.. moga ALLAH jauhi from all the worst that could happen.

Okay done bebel.. nak siap.. stress nak g cari dessert... BYE korang.. nnt kita bebel lagi ek!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2021

I hope its not to late to wish everyone who reads my blog a very HAPPY NEW YEAR! So apa azam korang tahun nie? Was it the same as last year? Hopefully different this time around.

Lets see what good things happen in 2020. Looking back just to see how much you achieved and may be make it better this year right?

So as for me, my lil sis and i started a new business. SELLING COOKIES!! yup tiny bitsy cookies. Sape yang nak try boleh follow our IG: TybiTsz. For now that would be our platform and also by friends and family word of mouth. So far sape yang dah try Alhamdulillah repeat order. ahahahaa.. i sincerely HEART you guys. Thank You for your support. So this year we are hoping to be able to grow more and increase our sales. As for me, i need to be more productive and also keep up and learned more about how to market my business. ehehhee... we are small but someday Insyaa Allah dengan izin Allah, we wish to grow and be able to give even underprivillage kids the taste of having a bite of cookies. nnt i ols buat special post abt TYBITSZ. hehehee.. im so excited to share.

What else happen last year.. mesti korang pikir WEDDING kan? Alhamdulillah there's a wedding, but its not mine. ahahaha... hopefully this year mana tau ttbe kan mana tau. doa2 kan lah ye. So last year we welcome our SISTER IN LAW 'FIEKA' to the family. My big Bro is MARRIED guys. can u believe it! tu orang kata bila dah sampai seru In syaa ALLAH dipermudahkan. Dah le SIL sis cantik ek! ehehhee.. and not to mention very young but geng bake2 and masak2. YEAY! boleh lah sis fefeeling muda jugak lepas nie.. ahahhahaaa... keep me young by heart ye. so one done another lil bro plak punya turn after this. In syaa ALLAH dia pown COMING SOON. ahahahaa... HAPPY for them. my Future Lil Sis In Law pown awesome and geng baking and masak and kepala gilers...hahahaa.. her cheesekut oreo and cream puff OMG definately my favourite. ahahaha... so many mores desserts in d house! Semoga their wedding pown berjalan lancar and smooth. Hello Sandakan again. ehehhee... may we all be protected from the virus COVID-19. aminnn... 

Gambar lil bro tunang...
soon gambar kawin plak. Aminnn

Kalau sape nak order?
boleh follow IG: byummimoks

So this year, how korang celebrate new year? dengan COVID-19 cases goes up everyday. Its scary! i know... Since covid started memang lama tak balik JOHOR. rindu sangat2 kat budak2 tu! omg twintots dah besar guys! alhamdulillah a short trip vacay for us. we manage to book an airbnb dekat KSL Residence. 2 bedroom apartment with extra bed of course and a pool for the kids. purpose just to be with them in the house and not to go anywhere. quality time just playing cards and all. Of course with my lil sis into baking and all so she manage to bake for me my early requested bday cake! ahahhaa... omg guys yummy!!! seriously. Thank you lil sis. we had so much fun. watching the new year fire work from the apartment! stay safe while still enjoying the firework. Swimming with the kids. "lompat si katak lompat with twintots' and urut with MAKSAL! i tell u awesomeness.... its been a while so level of tolerance is not that high. ahahhaa but i need it anyway. overall ALHAMDULILLAH for the moments spend. balik je dari JB, we get to know that JB banjir. ya ALLAH. May Allah protect those who affected by the banjir in Johor and also in Pahang. 

tenten geng UNO

They love Cream Puff!!
tak sempat nak bawa g airbnb they all makan dulu!

Swimming with twintots.. masa nie sorang lagi tido.
nak tau nie sape tanya umi dorang.. ahahhaa

Swimming Time!

Again HAPPY NEW YEAR guys!! hope whatever "AZAM TAHUN NIE" tercapai or azam tahun lepas2 tercapai tahun nie. ehehhee.. never give up! stay strong tau and STAY SAFE! moga korang semua dijauhi COVID-19. Masked on! memanglah ajal maut tangan tuhan. but still we need to be cautious and take care of ourself! Till my next post! 

Just ME in 2019

Hii korunk,

Macam dah lama je tak blog, i guess sebab mood menaip dtg mcm kejap2. banyak je yg in progress tapi tak habis blogging. so akhirnya tergendala. This time nye blog mainly memang nak bebel kosong je. or should i say more like let it all out of my jiwa dan perasaan. Honestly, Im feeling so lost at the moment. It has been what 4-5 months now. I hate it myself. I mean i dont even know whats holding me back. When i share with my friends and family, all of them try to help me. Especially with getting a job. Yes A JOB! Teartika u no longer ur 20s. sape je nak amik kije if u urself dont know what you want to work as. Not being picky but sometimes i have my reasons. Nak kije mcm dulu dah tak boleh. kije yg tak payah serabut otak just penat badan. now dah kena slip disc kije2 macam tu kena lah eliminate. So back to others options like office job. Hurm... bila nak apply plak. its like something is holding me back. Haaa mula lah pikir what if i apply and then i cant even do the job properly? what would people see me as? dah le tak banyak experience. Or they might be menyesal take me in for the job. or macam i didnt meet their expectations. I dont even know why im so afraid of things that might not even happened pown sbb from my past experience of working anywhere, tak d plak boss tak ske or anything. This feeling down is pulling me down too. Im so not confidence with myself.

Have u ever feel that u know what u want to do or at least have to do but u aint doing it? so thats what happen to me now. Nie tulis blog pown entah akan post ke tak? kalau berjaya lah habiskan tulis. I have so many things i want to do but somehow im afraid of failing. May be sebab ive been through some bad moments in my life. not to brag but my life aint the happiest but alhamdulillah i get through it everytime. Now just another hiccup that i have to face. betul lah cakap org to get out of depression is really hard. im not saying im depressed but entah may b a little. Well i do bersyukur with what i have but at times macam pikir why am i like this? its like the spirit just been sucked out of you. and all u left is nothing, feeling down and unworthyness. i am a mess where no one will want me or even acknowledge me.

Serious i envy a lot of people who can just be ok the next day. ive tried but may be not hard enough. i dont tend to dwell in whatever i am now. but why do i feel so hard to be me again. im like zombi with no soul.i know i over thinking. i know whatever im thinking is not true pown. but cant help it. kalau psychatrist dah tanya one layer after another. why do i feel the way i feel, what makes u feel that way. Sometimes duduk, and think, somehow i think i just need someone to acknowledge me, someone to understand the way i am, someone who knows how much im struggling to be okay again. to be my old self, where my friends call me happy go lucky. may b i still am just in front of people. i just want someone to tell me the know how much i tried but i still couldnt. and just tell me its okay to be where u r now. its okay to be the way u r now. although it is ridiculous. or just know the have my back if i need help. not ignoring how i am and keep pushing me to do this n that. i know they have to do what best for me not to dwell in whatever i am now. but i just need someone to hug me and take my pain away. I know Allah is the only one i can turn too to cry n cry n cry. may b i should start changing my name. RIGHT? ahahahaa...

What makes me like this? Well i lost someone so dear to me. for 5 years his there with me and one day suddenly hilang. i dont even know where he is and all. people say things to me even they know its easy said than done. I know he might be nobody in ur eyes. but his there with me when no one is. His there with me to make me laugh when i dont want to laugh. he let me be mad at him when my mood swing and feels like nak marahh someone, he sooth my hearts when i cry or serabut, he wakes up when i had a bad dream and let me sleep like a baby even he needs me. he never talk bad abt my friends and family and always encourage me to be more polite and  treat them better. he advice me when i dont know what to do and encourage me to be a better person, a better daughter, a better muslimah.

I know nothings come easy. I know that other people struggle more than i am. I am thankful. I know at some point i have to start living to feed myself. Duit saving tu sampai bila sangat nak bertahan kan? so slowly but surely im trying. The latest experience that im facing is kena SCAMMED. I guess people are looking for easy money to earned. mula2 tu mmg lah terduduk jugak bila kena. but i know salah sendiri. Sape suruh g percaya some strangers you dont even know. Betul kata inspektor smalam, tak semua org baik. some kenal bertahun but then dah gain trust n all baru dia scammed. wow. so scary manusia skarang. Listening how the scammed people dgn mcm2 cara lagi macam wow. Sebab serious pandai giler kowt manusia. But i guess they get what they after but Allah will give their kifarah jugak in this world and hereafter. ceh dah acah ustazah. memang betul kalau rezeki tu bukan milik kita macam tu je hilang dalam sekelip mata. Either kena scammed, or ttibe tercicir, or ttbe kreta rosak ke, rumah bocor ke. mmg terkilan but thats life. Dalam rezeki kita memang akan ada rezeki org lain. SOmetime kita wonder why lah this thing happen when we ourself in need. Let just say, ALLAH uji kita sebab ALLAH sayang kita.Allah nak gantikan yg lebih baik may be.

I know all this facts but deep down to accept things is harder then you think. Honestly im hoping to meet with people that can motivate me, not pushing me but encourage me slowly. macam doesnt make me feel like i cant be like this lama2 n all. i have to this n that. cam ne ek nak cakap. rather then asking me to do this n that, motivates me so i feel like i have to do this n that. get what i mean? thats why slowly i start do things i dont normally do. i believe in doing things that i like rather do things i dont coz i know what it will do to me. i may be successful in doing things i dont like but the value of it doesnt add up to me and i hardly can acknowledge that im successful of doing it. Paham tak? ahahahahaa.... ha pandai2 lah renung2 kan. so for now this is my updates. nnt kalau rajin i ols update plak pasal trip Swak yg sgt happening!!!

Till my next post. Pls dont judge. If u dont like what im sharing, pfft i dont care much. it could be my way of getting the help that i need or never know kan org baca ttbe org offer kije yg i might be interested or may be someone that can give me the missing piece im looking for to be ok again. you'll never know.

tQ for ur time reading my blogs yg dah bersawang nie. Will try and update more.

LURVE,

TIA