Just ME in 2019

Hii korunk,

Macam dah lama je tak blog, i guess sebab mood menaip dtg mcm kejap2. banyak je yg in progress tapi tak habis blogging. so akhirnya tergendala. This time nye blog mainly memang nak bebel kosong je. or should i say more like let it all out of my jiwa dan perasaan. Honestly, Im feeling so lost at the moment. It has been what 4-5 months now. I hate it myself. I mean i dont even know whats holding me back. When i share with my friends and family, all of them try to help me. Especially with getting a job. Yes A JOB! Teartika u no longer ur 20s. sape je nak amik kije if u urself dont know what you want to work as. Not being picky but sometimes i have my reasons. Nak kije mcm dulu dah tak boleh. kije yg tak payah serabut otak just penat badan. now dah kena slip disc kije2 macam tu kena lah eliminate. So back to others options like office job. Hurm... bila nak apply plak. its like something is holding me back. Haaa mula lah pikir what if i apply and then i cant even do the job properly? what would people see me as? dah le tak banyak experience. Or they might be menyesal take me in for the job. or macam i didnt meet their expectations. I dont even know why im so afraid of things that might not even happened pown sbb from my past experience of working anywhere, tak d plak boss tak ske or anything. This feeling down is pulling me down too. Im so not confidence with myself.

Have u ever feel that u know what u want to do or at least have to do but u aint doing it? so thats what happen to me now. Nie tulis blog pown entah akan post ke tak? kalau berjaya lah habiskan tulis. I have so many things i want to do but somehow im afraid of failing. May be sebab ive been through some bad moments in my life. not to brag but my life aint the happiest but alhamdulillah i get through it everytime. Now just another hiccup that i have to face. betul lah cakap org to get out of depression is really hard. im not saying im depressed but entah may b a little. Well i do bersyukur with what i have but at times macam pikir why am i like this? its like the spirit just been sucked out of you. and all u left is nothing, feeling down and unworthyness. i am a mess where no one will want me or even acknowledge me.

Serious i envy a lot of people who can just be ok the next day. ive tried but may be not hard enough. i dont tend to dwell in whatever i am now. but why do i feel so hard to be me again. im like zombi with no soul.i know i over thinking. i know whatever im thinking is not true pown. but cant help it. kalau psychatrist dah tanya one layer after another. why do i feel the way i feel, what makes u feel that way. Sometimes duduk, and think, somehow i think i just need someone to acknowledge me, someone to understand the way i am, someone who knows how much im struggling to be okay again. to be my old self, where my friends call me happy go lucky. may b i still am just in front of people. i just want someone to tell me the know how much i tried but i still couldnt. and just tell me its okay to be where u r now. its okay to be the way u r now. although it is ridiculous. or just know the have my back if i need help. not ignoring how i am and keep pushing me to do this n that. i know they have to do what best for me not to dwell in whatever i am now. but i just need someone to hug me and take my pain away. I know Allah is the only one i can turn too to cry n cry n cry. may b i should start changing my name. RIGHT? ahahahaa...

What makes me like this? Well i lost someone so dear to me. for 5 years his there with me and one day suddenly hilang. i dont even know where he is and all. people say things to me even they know its easy said than done. I know he might be nobody in ur eyes. but his there with me when no one is. His there with me to make me laugh when i dont want to laugh. he let me be mad at him when my mood swing and feels like nak marahh someone, he sooth my hearts when i cry or serabut, he wakes up when i had a bad dream and let me sleep like a baby even he needs me. he never talk bad abt my friends and family and always encourage me to be more polite and  treat them better. he advice me when i dont know what to do and encourage me to be a better person, a better daughter, a better muslimah.

I know nothings come easy. I know that other people struggle more than i am. I am thankful. I know at some point i have to start living to feed myself. Duit saving tu sampai bila sangat nak bertahan kan? so slowly but surely im trying. The latest experience that im facing is kena SCAMMED. I guess people are looking for easy money to earned. mula2 tu mmg lah terduduk jugak bila kena. but i know salah sendiri. Sape suruh g percaya some strangers you dont even know. Betul kata inspektor smalam, tak semua org baik. some kenal bertahun but then dah gain trust n all baru dia scammed. wow. so scary manusia skarang. Listening how the scammed people dgn mcm2 cara lagi macam wow. Sebab serious pandai giler kowt manusia. But i guess they get what they after but Allah will give their kifarah jugak in this world and hereafter. ceh dah acah ustazah. memang betul kalau rezeki tu bukan milik kita macam tu je hilang dalam sekelip mata. Either kena scammed, or ttibe tercicir, or ttbe kreta rosak ke, rumah bocor ke. mmg terkilan but thats life. Dalam rezeki kita memang akan ada rezeki org lain. SOmetime kita wonder why lah this thing happen when we ourself in need. Let just say, ALLAH uji kita sebab ALLAH sayang kita.Allah nak gantikan yg lebih baik may be.

I know all this facts but deep down to accept things is harder then you think. Honestly im hoping to meet with people that can motivate me, not pushing me but encourage me slowly. macam doesnt make me feel like i cant be like this lama2 n all. i have to this n that. cam ne ek nak cakap. rather then asking me to do this n that, motivates me so i feel like i have to do this n that. get what i mean? thats why slowly i start do things i dont normally do. i believe in doing things that i like rather do things i dont coz i know what it will do to me. i may be successful in doing things i dont like but the value of it doesnt add up to me and i hardly can acknowledge that im successful of doing it. Paham tak? ahahahahaa.... ha pandai2 lah renung2 kan. so for now this is my updates. nnt kalau rajin i ols update plak pasal trip Swak yg sgt happening!!!

Till my next post. Pls dont judge. If u dont like what im sharing, pfft i dont care much. it could be my way of getting the help that i need or never know kan org baca ttbe org offer kije yg i might be interested or may be someone that can give me the missing piece im looking for to be ok again. you'll never know.

tQ for ur time reading my blogs yg dah bersawang nie. Will try and update more.

LURVE,

TIA

A YEAR BACK FOR GOOD....

Omg Omg Omg....

Alhamdulillah... dapat pown balik blog yg dah berkurun lama  nya.. blog yg mcm2 cerita dalam nie. ehehee.. last time tak dapat nak trace balik. tiber hari nie terasa macam nak berblogging balik. like just write whatever comes into my mind. regardless of the language lah kan. nama pown blogging. so i can write however i want. people say, i write the way i talk. ahahaha.. oh well... thats the easiest. sebab bila berblog nie, we tend to just keep writing selagi ada mood to type. 

Some people think hard abt their topic or susun what they gonna write. me, nah.. i just share whatever i feel like sharing. walaupun i dont think people nak baca pown. ahaahaaa...so let starts with one year since im back for good in Malaysia. well seriously banyak je nak bebel. i dont even know where to start. but at the moment, tak leh nak tulis sekarang sbb my sydneysiders friends are coming over. dulu semua single student. now semua dah beranak pinak. okay most anak sorang je ahahhaa... well kita amik berkat lah ye. mana tahu my turn soon. eceh... amin.. sis minta doa yang baik2 je. kayh later i me sambung bebel lagi. huish rasa puas sangat nak bebel. ye lah kat twitter pown memang bebel but u see, twitter nak bebel panjang2 kena jadi kan thread. which alahai malas nye. so u have no idea how glad dapat balik blog nie. heheheee.....kay kayh nak kena prepare some juadah for my friends. ttyl again readers.. hahahaha....bak kata melodi dulu2 TUNGGUUUUUUUUU....

Okay im back again...fuh so tadi busy melayan my sydneysiders friends. dulu masing2 single2 i mean bujang. now few of them dah married and even have kids. gosh how time flies really fast. mcm tak caya je. today its all about sharing the CEO COFFEE... why not. Well i call it COFFEE PARTY. hope everyone detox body lepas nie. especially for parents lah. well actually somehow our parents seems to be more healthier than us. well for me lah. i know im very weak in so many ways. thats why super love when i can enjoy my coffee while detix my body.

So this is the CEO COFFEE. yes it looks like a normal coffee, taste like a coffee even can make like an ice coffee, drink however u like but it cleanses your body slowly but surely. So who wants to join my next coffee party session. jom jom.. buzz me up. ill share with you how wonderful it is. i dont know abt u but if i could kill two birds with one stone why not. actually 3 birds. you can enjoy your coffee, you get a better detox body and u can earned as well. sape nak kasi. trust me when i say its affordable even for kids nowadays.

thats my lastest obsession. what is it that i want to share? so sepanjang setahun dah balik apa je kejadian dalam hidup nie. besides im sweating like hell with cuaca and humid in malaysia, hey its not that bad lah. apparently they said in aussie pown dah panas giler now. so not so bad being back afterall.

For sure to get a job is not easy, to earned yourself is not easy as well. people pick and choose who they want to hang out with. well as for me, bukan lah nak being picky in applying for jobs but hey semua nye nak experience. its true how ridiculous it sounds for yg fresh grad and tak d job experience. terkial2 okay nak apply. thinking alamak boleh ke buat nie.what if tak meet their expectations. or is it just me yg over thinking. ahahahaa... i think its only me.

but recently im glad g culik sorang budak nie. ahahhaa.. weekend pown kena culik dia kat office and we went for a coffee. nak intro dia the coffee tapi tak ckup plak nak kasi taste so we just talk abt experience. she used to work for one of the big 4 account company. budak account sure pernah dream job to work in one. so she said its okay to try and apply for them. dont think too much as they will teach u in doing stuff. they always have vacancies because their turn over tinggi coz their employees loyalty mcm tak d sgt as people always work under pressure. but u learned a lot of things. so those experience is highly valued afterward when u want to find another job. it surely open up my minds and hey betul jugak tu. try je and kalau dapat mmg dah tertulis that place for you. balik je terus semangat!

at the moment, tipu lah kalau cakap im not down with situation yg x bekerja. dude, money is like water here. no wonder some kije sampai tak d life. like seriously. dont even have time to social. or take break. scary actually. sometimes you are too stuck with work sampai tak boleh kalau tak kije sbb not working means no money. its very common to just grab a job even u know its killing you softly. but hey thats life. some friends they work and work but due to many commitments they still struggling. mmg seriously, kalau kat aussie gaji sikit pown boleh survive. but nie gaji okay2 lah still cannot survive. i dont know lah boros sgt ke kat malaysia nie sebab semua within your reach?

Memang no jokes surviving in malaysia is harder somehow. but thats life... for now thats all for my updated post. jap g nak bebel pasal benda lain plak. heheheee... sape nak try coffee boleh roger or dm i ols. jom sehat sambil bercoffee.. me myself tgh detox knowing im not the healthiest person on earth. so anything detox from my body daku redha. hidup sakit je sgt tak best. eheheeee.. till my next post!

IQRA (READ)

By: SHEIKH ABDULLAH HAKEEM
TOPIC: IQRA (READ)

Dunya

• Is a stepping stone to Akhirat
• It is a test to enter Jannah or Jahannam
• Choose the greatest example to be followed.
• Read and understand the Quran to build a connection with ALLAH and everything else will fall to place.

REVALATION

• Build the connection to ALLAH, learned to LOVE ALLAH. Once you learned to LOVE ALLAH you will stay away from Syaitan and know what to avoid the HARAM and ZINA of the Dunya. In shaa ALLAH you’ll be safe. 
• The heart that absorbs the LOVE of ALLAH will throw away all that is HARAM. 
• ALLAH loves us more than a mother LOVES her kid. Would a mother throw her kids into fire? NO right. ALLAH too don’t want to throw us to be thrown into fire of HELL.
• KNOW ALLAH & PROPHET MUHAMMAD by heart and there will be no problem in worshipping ALLAH and also no issues in knowing the deen of ALLAH.
• If there’s a will there away. If you keep giving excuses then you don’t really know ALLAH and Prophet Muhammad by heart.

Example: How many kids these days know the name of the soccer players in a team? Or even the famous celebrities? The questions is HOW MANY KIDS THAT KNOWS THE NAME OF THE 25 RASULS or even the name of PROPHET MUHAMMAD in FULL??

Syaitan is planning how to defeat us, how to get rid of us here in the Dunya. Therefore we need to plan better how not to be defeated by Syaitan.

How to measured it:
S - Specific
M - Measured
A - Achievable
R - Realistic
T - Time

SPECIFIC 
Quran:

• We can learned SPECIFIC knowledge from the Quran.
• The relationship of Sahabat Rasulullah with Quran is like our relationship with the phones. 
• How we constantly look at our phones is how they look at the Quran.
• If we do that today, we won’t have issues.
• Quran is the soul of knowledge.
• Memorize the Quran.
• Understand the Quran

MEASURE:
How much you want to read or memorize the Quran : 

• 1 Juz eveday or may be 1 juz every week.
• 1 page every day or 1 page ev week 
• 1 hadith every week.

ACHIEVABLE:
Can you achieve the desired number you wish to complete.
Can you read or memories as minimum as 1 ayat a day may be.
The answer is : YES. It is achievable. Recite every day after Subuh prayer. The best time.

REALISTIC:
It is realistic to spend 1 hour a day to gain the knowledge of ALLAH.
ALLAH like ibadah that is little but consistent.

TIME:
Give yourself a time period to achieve it for example, memories the Quran in a year or may be Khatam the Quran every month.

"WHOEVER TRADE THE PATH TOWARD KNOWLEDGE, ALLAH TRADE THE PATH TO JANNAH EASY FOR YOU"